i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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