tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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