Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
