i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
