i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
