i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
