she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
