Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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