would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
