I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
