3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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