you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
