I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize