Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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