Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please come you make the beer taste better
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
