The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
