Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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