Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
