He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
