Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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