He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
pop tarts are not kleenex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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