dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
