Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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