It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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