he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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