the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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