My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
