Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
