it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
