it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
