Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
