You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
