He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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