everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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