it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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