the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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