i dont even know how to be here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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