I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
