i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
