dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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