I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
