i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize