I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
