Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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