Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
