She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
