dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
