I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
