I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my being single is dangerous.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
