Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Mom said you looked used
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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