My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
