i don't like sucking hair
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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