My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
