a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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