i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
