Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
