I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
