Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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